The self-loving way to live with fear
The following are habits I have formed over the years to cultivate a loving relationship with myself and the world. I call this self-love. I have also included some self-care that I am adopting at the moment to choose love instead of fear at all times.
My intention is for you to take what seems useful and appropriate to you, to get inspired to put your own self-love habits in place and start practising them wholeheartedly.
When a self-lover wakes up in the morning, she doesn’t rush. Rushing is anti-self-love because when in a hurry, she might miss out on something precious, something delicious that she wants to savour. Nothing can be more important or urgent than her own well-being. She allows herself to stretch and feel her body while still in bed, to let her senses play with the feel of the sheets covering her gorgeous body, to feel the softness of her pillow and to breathe in deeply. She listens in to sounds and opens up to smells. When she opens her eyes it is to realize that this is indeed a new day and a glorious moment. She allows herself to savour it.
Rushing is Anti Self-Love
When she does get up it is to connect with the outside world, to open her window, to let in the air and if it is cold, she can exult in the sensation of cold on her skin, in her lungs. If it is warm, she can delight in the warmth on her skin and soak it in. There is much to be thankful for indeed. At the moment, reduced traffic is causing less pollution so cleaner air. This is indeed a benefit.
Moving to the bathroom, she looks herself in the mirror, she catches her own gaze and says something kind albeit believable to herself. It could go something like: “You are so kind,” or “I love how you have taken so good of care of your skin”. Some self-lovers adore telling themselves in these intimate situations that they look gorgeous, that they are fabulous. This is an excellent initiative if it’s believable. If the self-lover cannot believe it herself, if she doesn’t feel it in her bones, then she is in fact lying to herself. This is unproductive, even harmful. How would you like a person who lied blatantly to your face?
When she’s ready, the self-lover moves to the kitchen to either gift herself a hot drink and/or something to eat. She takes the time to savour every mouthful. She asks herself: “What needs my attention today?” and comes up with one or more things that she immediately schedules into her diary, thus making sure she has got the time to give it her attention without feeling short of time or risking not doing it. Not doing what she intended will only lead to recriminations, to cultivating a guilty consciousness, something a self-lover does not engage in. Where is the love in recriminations? In a guilty conscience? Nowhere.
Where is the joy in cultivating a guilty conscience?
If something doesn’t go s planned, if she has to rush, if she’s not allowed to take her time connecting to her senses in the morning, she immediately forgives herself, knowing that she will be gifted other opportunities of honouring her connection, savouring the moment and the sensations. Nothing to get stressed out about.
A self-lover is always on the lookout for opportunities to experience life through her senses. For the sheer fun of it she might turn on the cold water while showering so that she can feel what that feels like, cold water hitting her body. She’s open to new experiences and allows herself not to categorize all her experiences as good or bad. She knows that an event can either be good or bad depending on so many things she doesn’t have to control.
Uppermost in the mind of a self-lover is the fact that she is not called on to control outside circumstances. She can recite the beginning of the Serenity Prayer by heart:
“God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”
This way she never has to argue with reality.
In times like these, she recognizes that she has to stay informed of world events, but chooses a reputable media channel to stay in touch with the outside world. She does not feel the need to listen to or read fearful news all day because she knows that she cannot influence them.
Once she has taken 10 or 15 minutes to recognize what’s going on in the world through quality press, she goes on to put this latest information into perspective. She may have learnt that 651 people have died of the coronavirus in Italy in the last 24 hours, but she also takes the time to notice that these are fewer deaths than 2 days ago. She concludes that the virus might be receding from Italy and rejoices.
Then she goes in search of the good news. As she develops the skill to ferret these out, this becomes easier and easier. This way she learns that in Venice, the water in the canals has become clear and that the fish have returned. She finds out that thousands of birds have come back there, that the sky is no longer disfigured by the frequent passage of planes. People are speaking to each other, at a distance, agreeing that never will they return to how things were before the virus.
Not feeling called to take action where her action is useless, the self-lover concentrates on making herself useful where she can. She thinks of people who could do with her support and takes the time to call them. When these people want to drag her into negativity and fear by going over and over recent world events, she can confidently steer them away and offer some positive news such as what is happening in Venice.
If the conversation returns to fearful ideas, she can even feel empowered to say to her correspondent: “I feel that you’re choosing to focus on the negative. As we can do nothing about it, I propose we turn our attention to the positive. If you don’t want to follow me in that, I’ll have to end our conversation.”
A self-lover can say this without sounding threatening, without sounding angry, because she isn’t. She is just refusing to participate in negativity in events that she cannot control. Could she control them, it would be an entirely different matter.
The self-lover is always concerned with finding new ways of spreading love, knowing that the more she produces, the more she gets back. When she encounters anger, fear, frustration, hate, hurt or anxiety from other people, she knows that this has got nothing to do with her but everything to do with them, so she does not have to react to it. She understands how they are feeling but chooses not to engage with it.
A self-lover knows that it is vital to take care of herself. She is unafraid to feel all her feelings, allowing them to exist. She doesn’t have to protect herself from any feeling so she does not need to indulge in food, drink, television, spending etc. She recognizes pleasure and desire and knows that these will not be enhanced through over-indulgence.
A self-lover is aware that she either has to grow and evolve or resign herself to a life of quiet despair. She knows that she is not alone and that there are many people in the world who can help her and whom she can help. She knows how to reach out for support and does not let pride get in the way of help. She is 100% responsible for her own happiness and would never dream of burdening somebody else with providing it for her.
A self-lover delights in life, surrounds herself with like-minded people and limits her interaction with negative people. She makes a point of telling the people she loves that she loves them, even if this has to be indirectly through checking in on them, helping them out or spending time with them. Actions speak louder than words.
She knows that she is just as important as other people, not more important, but equally important, precious and worthy. She does not need other people to confirm this for her She is the protector of her own pleasure, making sure to feel it every day, to schedule in time for it, to honour it and to pursue it.
Are you ready for to commit to self-love? You can activate YOUR self-love through the Self-Love Activation Course. Check it out here.
There has never been a better time to love yourself unconditionally.
About the author:
Katrine Horn is a speaker and life coach who guides women to create the life of their dreams, to recognize their intrinsic value and release the illusion that life is a struggle. Katrine teaches women how to manage their emotions leaving them free to embrace opportunity when it comes their way. She helps them enter their Zone of Excellence where there are able to step aside to allow their highest good to find them.
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